beeHivemUrdeR

0054~ Are you happy, oh, my Shooting Star..?

2006-01-26T08:36:00.000+08:00

i have a new blog! i have a new blog..! :D

0053~ Name it!

2006-01-24T15:39:00.000+08:00

i'm thinking of changing my blog name and address again.....
whelp, for the Nth time.. hehehe

watcha think? =)
any suggestions? =)

kung type ko ang suggestion mo, libre kita ng frap! :D

0052~ Someday by Flipsyde

2006-01-17T10:46:00.000+08:00

one lazy night, i was catching up on my Jay Leno episodes and chanced upon this band performer of that night.

the band's name is Flipsyde. they sang Someday. catchy tune. safe lyrics.
check their website. download the music if you may... and bounce to their beat. ;)
otherwise, wait until the local radios play them.

***

+ Someday we gonna rise up on that wind you know + Someday we gonna dance with those lions + Someday we gonna break free from these chains and keep on flyin' +

They tellin' me it's all good just wait + You know you're gonna be there someday + Sippin' on Jim Beam ok + Gotta get these things one day + Till then do another line you know + Searching for that other high + Stop or I gotta steal then steal + Kill or I'm gonna be killed + I got a sack in my pocket + Conscious yellin' drop it + You know we're gonna lose it someday + And we tryin' to hold it all together + But the devil is too clever so + I'm gonna die you gonna die we gonna die + Someday one day I said

+ Someday we gonna rise up on the wind you know + Someday we gonna dance with those lions + Someday we gonna break free from these chains and keep on flyin' +

Try to lie but it ain't me + Ain't me try to look but I can't see + Can't stop right now cause I'm too far + And I can't keep goin' cause it's too hard + In the day in the night it's the same thing + On the field on the block it's the same game + On the real if you stop then it's no pain + But if you can't feel pain then it's no gain + Rearrange and you change and it's all bad + And you try to maintain but you fall back + And you crawl and you slip and you slide down + Wanna make it to the top better start now + So I hold my soul and I die hard + All alone in the night in the graveyard + Someday one day I'm gonna be free + And they won't try to kill me for being me + Hey someday

+ Someday we gonna rise up on that wind you know + Someday we gonna dance with those lions + Someday we gonna break free from these chains and keep on flyin' +

If you know how this is + Gonna see it's not that easy + Don't stop get it till it's done + From where you are or have begun + I said keep on try a little harder + To see everything you need to be + Believe in your dreams + That you see when you're asleep

+ Someday we gonna rise up on that wind you know + Someday we gonna dance with those lions + Someday we gonna break free from these chains and keep on flyin' +

0051~ elevator bore

2006-01-17T10:31:00.000+08:00

while waiting for the elevator last night to reach our floor to fetch me,
these lines are what came to my mind...

funny,

i got so dizzy,

why it's so easy,

for you to tease me...

hehehehe naaliw lang ako.. i wanted to hum some song
but i could not think of any at that moment..

0050~ My Fave Punk Rock Pinoy Band and Band Members - JOIN THE CLUB! =)

2006-01-17T09:23:00.000+08:00

Grab a copy of their album NOBELA!!!

0049~ Feel Good

2006-01-13T12:54:00.000+08:00

Your 2005 Song Is

Feel Good Inc by Gorillaz

"Love forever love is free.
Let's turn forever you and me."

In 2005, you were loving life and feeling no pain.

What Hit Song of 2005 Are You?

*Funny, I like Gorillaz's music and how their lyrics were written.
They're very creative, i must say.

0048~ Life...

2006-01-13T10:41:00.000+08:00

"...where friends become lovers, and lovers become bitter suicide..

all on the same show!"

~ tagline taken from the "5th Wheel", ETC channel

0047~ our boss dropped the bomb yesterday

2006-01-11T09:17:00.000+08:00

note to reader:
as of this writing, the content of this entry is still a top secret. there are only seven (or eight) of us in the company who knows about this. we still don't know when an official statement would be released. so, if you know me and if you're working at the same company that i am currently working for, you are suppose to shut up. thank you. ;) ehehe

***

i took the half day off yesterday and the first thing i did as soon as i arrived in the office was to eat my lunch. impressive!

my mother bosing joined me since she finds french fries really irresistable. she munched and munched and we pushed a bit of a small talk - on work and on life - as i swallow every bite of my double-cheese burger.

touching on work-related matters, she passively told me that she will announce something important later in our meeting... i had a weird feeling about it.

mother: may ia-announce ako mamaya sa inyo.. (she smiles) importante..

bee: (having a bad feeling what it was) hmm.. ano po yun??

mother: basta..! matutuwa kayo.... (smiles)

bee: ayyy.. nahuhulaan ko na...... kami ba talaga ang matutuwa..? o ikaw..? ayyy nakow..!...

mother: (mother hysterically laughs hard) basta.. mamaya sasabihin ko sa inyo..

i began to worry.

***

we had our staff meeting yesterday. no one knew what our agenda was, but we did discuss a lot of things that mother bosing wrote in the white board. we were brainstorming as if our minds were not wandering on the topic of "staffing" written last on the list.

finally, all of us had shut up and sufficed our hunger for clarity in our work for the next few days. mother wore a funny knowing face and told me:

mother: o game.. hulaan mo na kung ano ang ia-announce ko....

there goes the hysterical laugh again and my colleagues had put on their expecting, smiling faces. i already forewarned them.

bee: malilipat kami.....? iba na ang hahawak samen....?

i'm beginning to think that i can actually make millions in fortune telling - as if this is "fortune-ate" ...what about changing professions, huh..?

i was right.

another manager, let's name him tatay, will be handling us, the ELSA team, and that's ok actually. i've already worked with him in my early NGO-days and he handles his staff well. he makes work fun. i think, he's really approachable and that's why people here in the office love him. he's game.

i look forward to working with tatay again.. but of course, i'll definitely miss mother.

0046~ Parents.

2006-01-10T18:30:00.000+08:00

they'll make you

and then

they'll break you..

and then

pick you up again

and help you get back to your feet.

=)

0045~ what's in a name?

2006-01-10T18:03:00.000+08:00

just thought taking these name quizes was a fun way to lessen my stress.

by the way, i like my Japanese name better. ;)
[i think i'm turning japanese, i think i'm turning japanese, i don't think so..)

Your Hawaiian Name is:

Oliana Malu

What's" your Hawaiian Name?

Your Irish Name Is...

Gemma Dunne

What's" your Irish Name?

Your 1920's Name is:

Ione Violette

What's" Your 1920's Name?

Your Sexy Brazilian Name is:

Kaliana Rodrigues

What's" Your Sexy Brazilian Name?

Your Japanese Name Is...

Uma Sasaki

What's" your Japanese Name?

Your Porn Star Name Is...

Albino Kitty

What's" Your Porn Star Name?

0044~ eLemento

2006-01-09T13:39:00.000+08:00

my element is actually earth, but this test says otherwise. =) nevertheless, i like what it says and somehow hits on some facts except for the last description. ;)

Your Element is Fire

Your power color: red
Your energy: hot
Your season: spring
Like a fire, you are full of power and light.A born leader, you easily draw people toward you.You are full of courage and usually up for anything dangerous.You have a huge ego and love to be the center of attention.

0043~ post-Christmas fever

2006-01-06T16:25:00.000+08:00

two nights ago, we watched Mulawin in Greenbelt 3.

i was with kakai, mauster, bosing vic, miss nyles and tina ganda.

the urge to watch it (and the only reason i actually considered watching it) was a product of a post-Christmas party fever.

here are some of the pictures that night when an egg cracked and i became alwynna. haha

wanna see more..?
visit yanna's blog http://bananaspin.blogspot.com, or
yunee_korn's at http://theresemarierico.tk and look for her december 2005 entries.

happy weekend, ebribadi!
[please, please have a happy one... =) ]

0042~ let me scream, "hell yeah..!"

2006-01-05T15:14:00.000+08:00

fact: i haven't had a good day since day 1 of 2006. all that i had so far are extremities... one moment i was so happy and it seemingly endless, next thing i know i'm in a middle of a fight.

it depresses me but my hopes are still up for a real "happy" new year.

***

i'm glad that at this point in my life, after almost 25 years of inevitable sufferring called life, i know that i don't care anymore what other people has to say about me or the choices that i make... gahd! i'm growing older by the hour... it's about time that i let my worries go, and these people's worries let me go.

after all, i only answer to One.

***

HELL YEAH!

0041~ A few stories that I can still remember from my Mindanao trip last year (part 2)

2005-12-08T09:16:00.000+08:00

We were warmly welcomed in the madrasah in the Datu Odin Sinsuat Municipality, where we conducted our interview for the audio-visual material and for the annual newsletter. (madrasah is a school where Arabic classes are conducted for Muslims)

After I interviewed Meriam (an Instructional Manager/teacher in the madrasah) and was looking for a student to interview next, I sensed some reluctancy from the students, or was it just coyness. I wasn't sure though if it was the voice recorder, the digicam, the video cam that my partner was using, my pen and paper, my complexion or my way of questioning that intimidated them.

I, myself, if interviewed, would be bothered and hassled by the gadgets. From time to time, I could be very conscious and cautious of what I would say or how I would look or project because of the old but very intimidating techies.

But when I interview people, I always make sure that I look straight into their eyes to assure them that I am listening, that they are talking to me and not to the gadgets.

After I interviewed my subjects, I started a small talk with Kuya Baks. I asked more about the religion, tradition and the philosophy of being a Muslim.

While Kuya Baks tried to explain to me in Tagalog the difference between the Qu’ran and the Catholic Holy Bible, an elder approached us and joined the discussion. He said with strong conviction, "Whoever tries to change the content of the Qu’ran, his head will be cut from his body."

He scared the hell out of me..! Even Kuya Baks turned silent....

This man was so tall and has a very big built, similar to Jimmy Santos' (minus the funny puppy look and sound) and he speaks really loud that attracted the attention of those who were around ten-steps from where we were.

He scared me that I did not want to ask a follow-up question anymore. I just wanted to end the conversation, but he kept talking and explaining that even if I was looking at him, I was too nervous to concentrate on what he was saying. I was already planning how to run fast if he ever explodes..! ;p

Finally, my partner called me for help (although I think I was the one who actually needed it!). Thank God.

***

After a few months, my partner, Rhanch, went back to Mindanao to attend and witness the PEPT exams. He also helped our local implementing partners in making sure that their learners would make it to the testing centers.

While he was on field work, he called me up and told me a funny and nerve-wacking story.

When we left the madrasah after conducting the interviews, the elders of that community went out of the mosque, looking for us. According to "the story", the elders were very angry at "what we did," that they closed the school for two days.

I thought to myself, if we were still there and more huge-built elders went out and confronted us, I might have passed out....

On the other hand, I was really sad hearing this knowing that the learners were not able to have their classes because of "whatever the elders thought we did."

Well, it turned out that the elders thought we were foreigners and that we were trying to influence the children with western ways. This one I found funny.

I am the more guilty party for this because between me and Rhanch, I am more fair-skinned and my eyes are light brown. My hair is not black; it's somewhere between black and brown.

But to start with, I am not a foreigner. I am a Filipino. And the big, scary, somewhat scolding elder heard me speak in Tagalog fluently. Meriam and her students heard me, as well. I talked to them. I counted "1, 2, 3.." in English and took their pictures, but spoke to them, thanked them and bid them goodbye in Tagalog.

Anyway...

I am glad that the issue has been settled down at the municipal level (would you believe it even reached that level..?!). After our local partners clarified that we were just conducting an interview in behalf of the alliance that is helping the youth in their community, that we are actually Tagalog-speaking Filipinos and that we did not intend to influence their youth, they opened the madrasah again for their out-of-school youth's learning.

I hope that the elders would continue supporting projects that benefit their youth. I know that there are a lot of young ones in Mindanao who can be as or more competitive, who can achieve more that people expect of them. I belive in them.

They may find it hard to find employment now because of discrimination or because of businessmen's fear of hiring Abu Sayaffs caused by the stereotyping, but let us help them be equipped with the needed skills and knowledge. Someday, with much hope and persistence, they will find an opportunity for themselves to shine.

***

Despite of everything that happened, I really miss the travelling and meeting different kinds of people. I miss the adventure. I miss wearing casual, ragged clothes. I miss the scare. I miss having new experiences. I miss learning cultures in communities that are new to me. I miss the realizations that I am so blessed and that I am given the opportunity to make a difference and somehow inspire others in my own biway-ish way.

I look forward to visiting again soon!!! =)

0040~ A few stories that I can still remember from my Mindanao trip in 2005 (part 1)

2005-12-01T11:50:00.000+08:00

In my recent and frequent visits to Mindanao, aside from wanting to learn more about the Bangsamoro (Bangsamoros are the authentic local people of Mindanao. Not the ones who just transferred or evacuated from Visayas or Luzon), I wanted to find out how I could get inside a mosque and observe without making so much distraction to the people praying.

Sometime in October 2005, while waiting for my colleague to finish his interview with Notre Dame University’s director of some department, I saw Kuya Baks (our designated driver for the whole trip, he's real name is Abubakar) rushing himself to the door of a secluded room. I realized that it was in that room where the chant came from. He rushed his way to the room for their six o’clock prayer.

I ran and hurried myself to call Kuya Baks and ask him if he could get me in by asking their leader for permission. I was hoping to record the chanting – I wanted to use the audio clip in the video we were producing. Luckily, the leader agreed to let me sit in and stay at the back corner of the room.

The leader began chanting.

* * * * *

Every other minute, I saw more and more male students coming in. I didn’t know that Muslim men and women pray separately until a college student approached me and politely asked me to exit the room.

My initial reaction was, “Ha? Eh nagpaalam naman po ako kay sir… pumayag naman sya na mag-observe ako…” yet, he insisted that I leave the room and briefly reasoned to me that I cannot stay there.

I’m usually stubborn but out of embarrassment, I asked Jasper (our production assistant for this particular filming) to try and capture the hypnotic chant while I leave the room and wait for my co-producer outside and just admire the peaceful, silent and nerve-calming dusk.

* * * * *

I went out still clueless why I needed to leave the room… why the student was fervently adamant in making me leave, regardless of him being much younger than I was.

I was not mad or insulted at all. I was only embarrassed at the fact that I, as a young urban social worker for a project benefiting young people in Mindanao, should have known better… I should have researched and understood the Muslim religion before I even immersed myself on field. I salute the young man for his fervor and faith in their religion and wish that we, Christians, can offer the same respect to and lessen the cynicism we practice in our Church.

After much thought, I am also embarrassed that maybe for a moment there I thought highly of myself, assuming that I could get away with my mistake with a simple smile. I felt this more when Jasper finally went out of the room and sat beside me, and told me that the young man wanted to say sorry for asking me to leave. I have yet to learn more of humility.

* * * * *

During Ramadan, intake of any kind of food and liquid is prohibited. They cannot even swallow their saliva. So, they spit from time to time.

“Allah will take care of us and help us get through each day,” says a parent in J. Marquez School when asked I asked how Muslims are able to endure the hunger, thirst and temptation during the month of Ramadan.

I admire their faith, how they take their religion seriously and make their lives revolve around it. I began to wonder, why I could not even avoid eating pork when I fast…? It’s way simpler than observing Ramadan.

(to be continued...)

0039~ eh gagu pala tong writer na to eh.... leche!

2005-11-21T12:13:00.000+08:00

Join the Club? Not just yet
By Noelani Torre

Editor's Note: Published on Page A3-2 of the November 12, 2005 issue of the Philippine Daily Inquirer

THE success of neo-rockers like Sugarfree has spawned more than just hit singles--it's also given birth to a plethora of new bands, all seemingly eager to jump on the sensitive rock bandwagon. One group that sound like they want to be the genre's next big thing is a band with the--you have to admit--quite apropos name of Join the Club. [excuse me, excuse me.. i don't think they are one of those bands who are desperate to ride on other band's success.]

Made up of lead vocalist and guitarist Biboy Renia, guitarist Migs Mendoza, bassist Congie Lulu, and drummer Pao Santiago, Join the Club specializes in lovelorn lyrics, driving bass lines, and an energetic showing at the drums. It's not a combination you haven't encountered before, but, in the interest of fairness [fairness??!?], let's take a closer look at their music:

Morose sentiments
After only one listen to the band's debut album "Nobela" (Warner)--and a flip through the inlay--you can conclude that every song in it is about love. Lost love, scorned love, cruel love--you get the picture. Despite the songs' morose sentiments, however, in the main they sound upbeat.

A closer listen to the lyrics themselves is not recommended, though. To put it plainly, they sound like they could've been written by your 12-year-old brother. The lyrics are in Filipino and English, and though those in the former could use some editing, it's the English songs that are downright painful to listen to. [wtf..?!]

Case in point is the refrain from the song "Love Is" which goes "Love is: what's keeping me this solitaire/ Someday I wish that I can find you there/ And still/ Waiting for a brand new day/ What's keeping me from causing this pain." Pain is caused, indeed. [do you really think a 12-year old can write something like that..? hello, if you were in your right senses, a 12-year old would not even know or care what love is and the kind of pain it could bring..]

Unpolished
Sound-wise, the songs have an unfinished feel. They sound unpolished, not in the edgy and intriguing mode, but in the I-don't-really-know-what-I-want-to-sound-like sense. They seem quite enthusiastic about what they're doing throughout the album, but they're hardly original and they don't even copy well. [you have yet to find and listen to more popular bands today, who, even in spite of their success and popularity, have obviously ripped off melodies from another artist's song... hello?! hardly original..?!]

There is little coherence to this album, belying its title--"Nobela"--which implies structure and unity. In fact, once you get to listen to all 50-odd minutes of this disc, you'll find that the title has nothing to do with the content [has nothing to do with the content..?!? you must've been provided with the wrong CD, mahn..]. If there's anything at all holding this record together, it's the theme of love lost. That, and the fact that sooner or later the songs start to blend into one another, until you're left with one homogeneous mass.

Lead vocalist
The lead vocalist is a competent enough singer, but you need more to make material like this sound better than it actually is. He just doesn't have the kind of pipes that can capture a listener's attention--and keep it from focusing on, say, the lyrics. And, for a group that fancies itself to be a rock band, Join the Club certainly doesn't make much use of its guitars. Oh they're there, but you won't find any pyrotechnic guitar-playing here.
These guys still have some musical maturing to go through. Join the club? Not just yet.

B note: All I can say is that this f*cking writer/contributor is a big-ass MORON. I don't think h/she has ever seen nor heard the band play live. for me, Join the Club rocks the scene!

0038~ here is one thing we should all be watchful of within us... cynicism.

2005-11-17T17:01:00.000+08:00

Law
by Conrado de Quiros

THE ONE thing that sticks out like a sore thumb about driver Timoteo Soriano’s revised version of what happened in Subic is his saying that the cop who took down his statement forced him to say gang rape.

“Fyke Torres (the investigating officer),” he now says, “punched me twice in the back and said he would charge me as an accomplice to rape if I denied the gang rape.”I do not know why any cop in Subic, Richard Gordon’s favorite place, which has “America forever” draped across it, would be so anxious to pin down an American for wrongdoing. Indeed, not just one American but five, and not just for lewd behavior but for gang rape. Torres should sign up for a position in the police force of Baghdad. The Iraqis will welcome him with open arms.

The victim, Soriano says in his new version, was in fact drinking and hugging with Daniel Smith and doing “dirty dancing” with him along with other couples on the dance floor of Neptune Bar. She left the bar able to walk straight and went with the Americans in the van. She and Smith later argued, Smith calling her “bitch.” They drove on for a while and then one of the soldiers said, “I’m done.” Soriano saw that the woman’s trousers were down. But after the soldier said, “I’m done,” his buddies helped her pull up her pants. When they all left the van, the woman wasn’t crying.

It is big-time recantation. In this version, Soriano does not deny that something happened inside the van but leaves more than enough room for a shadow of doubt to creep in and suggest that what did happen might not have been rape. While retaining a detail or two to suggest some ugliness in the incident -- Smith calling the woman “bitch” -- Soriano points to consensual sex with all his other details: the drinking and hugging, the dirty dancing, his testimony that the woman entered the van willingly and left it less than tearfully.

I am tempted to say that, thankfully, we have other witnesses to refute this. Those other witnesses say the woman was carried out like a pig and left on the pavement in a wretched state, a condom sticking out of her panty. I am tempted to say that, thankfully, there is Torres himself who can swear Soriano offered his testimony completely voluntarily. And I am tempted to say there is common sense to make one wonder why any woman, short of the wildly kinky type, would wish to have consensual sex with a soldier in a van while his buddies roared their approval.

But I am not so sure those things are formidable barriers to this case disappearing in the toilet bowl whence most of the obscenities in this country have been flushed down of late. If Soriano can be persuaded to see that he really saw nothing, so can the others. Recanting has replaced karaoke as this country’s favorite pastime. Archbishop Oscar Cruz’s expostulation, when his witnesses in the "jueteng" illegal lottery hearings started being stricken deaf and blind, still rings in my ear: “There are no more principles. There are no more values and morals. Everything is just about money, money, money.”

But more than this, what makes me wonder if this case will prosper at all is that there is no public outrage accompanying it. Sure, the Gabriela and some other women’s groups have marched down the streets and even confronted an American official or two. Sure, several activist groups have said “I told you so” about the VFA producing the same sex crimes as the US bases, being basically the same thing sneaked in through the back door. Sure, a couple of politicians, like Joker Arroyo, have called for the suspects to be surrendered to Philippine authorities, and some media have demanded redress.

But that is all. We do not see a near-universal weeping and gnashing of teeth the way we did during Diosdado Macapagal’s time, when several Filipino kids were gunned down in the perimeters of Clark and Subic, after being presumed to be wild pigs.

The widespread attitude today is weariness, cynicism, indifference. That is the really scary part. Our capacity to tolerate injustice grows by the day. To say that our ethical and moral standards have taken a dive over the last four years is to say that Mike Tyson’s career has suffered a minor setback with his last defeat. It’s not just that we’re getting inured to rape and murder, it’s that we see nothing wrong in them anymore. It’s not just that we’ve learned to accept abuse and oppression, it is that we’ve learned to expect them. It has become the most natural thing in the world for presidents to screw the voters. It has become the most natural thing in the world for witnesses to recant. It has become the most natural thing in the world for foreigners to rape our women, abroad or in this country.

What stops iniquity really? What enforces the law really? In the end, it is not the courts or the cops or government. It is public expectation. Elsewhere, candidates do not steal votes because it is just not done. Witnesses do not say one thing today and another thing tomorrow because it is just not done. These iniquities do not just carry with them legal sanctions, they carry with them public opprobrium. That is what the force of law means, with particular emphasis on “force.” They carry with them the cultural equivalent of religious excommunication. You are not just punished with jail if caught, you are cut off from society and reduced to a pariah.

The opposite is just as true, of course. Rape, whether of a voter or a woman, gets factored into public consciousness to a point where it becomes a natural expectation, it will happen again and again. It will take on the force of law. That is what’s happening today. Without public outrage to waylay it, lawlessness has become the law.

0037~ love is pain

2005-11-14T18:08:00.000+08:00

how much pain have you had?

i'm six more months away from being 25. i've had my share of excruciating pain in lovelife and life per ce. the might-be-small scar in my throat for the lollipop i accidentally almost swallowed whole, the not-so-visible scars in my left leg for falling in a hole, a couple of stitches in my head for being a curious young adult are just some proofs of the physical pain i needed to go through to learn how to be careful.

on the emo aspect, make a wild guess on how many times my heart have been broken.......

regardless, i am thankful of the life i have lived which have made me the kind of person that i am now (bullstrong, patient, sometimes stubborn, sometimes, worrisome, sometimes wicked) because love is pain, and pain is love. you'll know you are "loving" when you recognize the pain and you want to heal it.

earning my scars, i know it pained my parents, my lola and sometimes even my then-yaya to see me bleeding and screaming for help, for cure and why on earth agua oxinada hurt so bad. it pained them to see someone they love hurting.

it pained me to see my parents fight and eventually fall apart. it pained me to see my papa suffer more because of the separation because he loved her so much, in spite of everything that has happened between them. it pained me to see my lola hurt whenever her sons would avoid each other because of unsettled issues. it pained me to see her having a hard time breathing during her last moments with us. it pained me so much to see her die (i will forever miss her).

there is pain because there is so much love.

being away from tek for around seven years was really hard.. really painful.. it's a prolonged kind. i thought there was no more way we could fix things between us. i thought he had fully forgotten what we had, and i thought i could totally ignore the feeling and replace what we had with something similar, but a little less painful. (could love be the reason why some people are attached, if not addicted, to pain..?) but even then, i knew nothing would compare to what we have. it's irreplaceable.... it's different. i am so damn blessed we're back together now. i'd openly take the pain a relationship could bring, but i would not endure the pain of losing him again this time.

Bee's note: baduy na kung baduy. in lab eh. pagbigyan nyo na.

0036~ Tomorrow.... is a different day.

2005-11-07T17:41:00.000+08:00

i'll post something tomorrow.

i just might need to let this enraged moment pass me by today.

'til tomorrow, buddy.

0035~ LUNES (-na naman...)

2005-10-24T07:04:00.000+08:00

by Join the Club

unang araw
kay bilis ng galaw
may kalaliman ang pagtutol
sa pagayaw
na kalimutan ka
kahit pa may iba
at sa muli
magbabalik sa’kin ang lahat

maari bang magtanong?
dahil labis na din akong
lumalayo

matatanggap ba ko?
kung magbabalik sa iyo?
sakit ng sinapit ay
pls. wag ng magtampo
wala man akong nagawa
nang unang ika’y nawala
wala sa hinagap na
ako’y mabibigo
wala sa hinagap na
ako’y mabibigo

unang araw naninibago pa’t
sa pakiwari ay
may katiyakan na
at sa isang iglap
mayroong magaganap
at sa muli’y
magbabalik sa ‘tin ang lahat

huwag kang magtakang
pinilit kong
magtanong
basta’t sapat na ang nalaman mo
na ako ay narito
huwag kang magtaka
huwag kag magtaka

0034~ Blog Tag

2005-10-11T12:05:00.000+08:00

A - Age: ... 24 years old ...

B - Band Listening To Right Now: ... nada.. the last one i was listening to, tho', was Brownman Revival

C - Career: ... communications officer ...

D - Drink or Smoke: ... drink [moderately.... wooshoooo..!]

E - Easiest Friend To Talk To: ... in terms of easiness, it would be chec, aileen and daryl..

F - Favorite Song/s at the moment: ... Ikaw Forever by Brownman Revival

G - Gummy Bears or Gummy Worms: ... neither.

H - Have a Girlfriend: ... nada... hoping to have a boyfriend soon, tho.. hehehe

I - In love: not yet ;)

J - Junk Food You Like: ... chicharon tops the chart! ..pillows, combos and pizza

K - Kids: ... none yet... =)

L - Longest Ride Ever: ... trip to Ilocos Norte by land..

M - My Favorite Sports: ... wall climbing, cympre! tapos swimming..

N - Names For Your Future Kids: ... nathan, ludwig, gabrielle/a, patricia, paolo ...

O - One Wish You Have Now: .. wage increase ... hehe

P - Phobias: .. it use to be heights.. but i've somehow conquered it.. right now, it could be being alone .. hehe

Q - Favorite Quote: ... One has to become tough without being unkind.

R - Reasons To Smile: .... new crush kong c J.C. ..hehe and a long vacation...

S - Sleeping Hours: ..ideally, 10pm to 8AM =)

T - Time You Woke Up: ... today? 8AM.. was very late for work...

U - Unknown Fact About You: ... i am more than what i seem to be ... believe me... and that i am shy a lot of times..

V - Vegetable You Hate: ...ampalaya!

W - Worst Habit: .... blushing, or hide my face.....

X - X-rays You've Had: chest xrays

Y - Yummy Foods: ... tinapa pizza at xaymaca (winner itoh!), pizza and pasta at a veneto (thanks henri winterman and Ai for taking me there), kaldereta, sinigang, laing, chopseuy (set aside the carrots) , fruit salad and banana splits! =) yum... gutom na ko....

Z - Zodiac Sign: Taurus.

Tag U!

0033~ they yak, i yak [random thoughts]

2005-09-30T20:07:00.000+08:00

it might sound hypocritical if i say now that i fully, without any inquisition, love and trust my God because it may be unfathomable for other people. sometimes, even for me. so let me rather say that above and beyond everything, i am on His side forever.

sometimes stressed people would tend not to let you finish what you are saying because they like the illusion that they are in control of you and the dilemma, and that they know what is best to do.

try not to use your being creative as an excuse for sloth or for unpreparedness.

the truth is........ painfully funny.

the Philippines have become like a factory of quality employees to benefit the US of A. [leche.]

the US of A does not give importance to education as much as the Philippines does. how come they are the most powerful country in the world?

Maman's friendster profile says he's married. Yak.

0032~ Sowing the Seeds of Love

2005-09-30T17:41:00.000+08:00

A pat on the back always doesn't hurt. thanks, boss!
..but, of course, cash is most appreciated. hehe ;)

have a great weekend, people!

****

High time we made a stand & shook up the views of the common man
And the love train rides from coast to coast
DJ's the man we love the most
Could you be, could you be squeaky clean
And smash any hope of democracy
As the headline says you're free to choose
There's egg on your face and mud on your shoes
One of these days they're gonna call it the blues, yeah yeah

(Sowing the seeds of love) anything is possible
(Seeds of love) when you're sowing the seeds of love (Sowing the seeds of love)
(Sowing the seeds of love) anything is possible
(Seeds of love) sowing the seeds of love (Sowing the seeds)

I spy tears in their eyes
They look to the skies for some kind of divine intervention
Food goes to waste, so nice to eat, so nice to taste
Politician Granny with your high ideals
Have you no idea how the majority feels
So without love and a promised land
We're fools to the rules of a government plan
Kick out the style, bring back the jam

Sowing the seeds,
the birds and the bees,
my girlfriend and me in love
Feel the pain, talk about it,
if you're a worried man then shout about it
Open hearts, feel about it, open minds, think about it
Everyone read about it, everyone scream about it
Everyone (everyone, yeah yeah)
Everyone (everyone) read about it, read about it
Read it in the books in the crannies
And the nooks there are books to read...

(Mr. England sowing the seeds of love)
(Time to eat all your words, swallow your pride, open your eyes)
Time to eat all your words, swallow your pride, open your eyes
High time we made a stand (time to eat all your words)
And shook up the views of the common man (swallow your pride)
And the love train rides from coast to coast (open your eyes)
Every minute of every hour "I Love a Sunflower" (open your eyes)
And I believe in love power (open your eyes)
Love power, love (open your eyes) power

Sowing the seeds,
an end to need
and the politics of greed
with love...

0031~ -ber month breeze, same ground?

2005-09-24T20:08:00.000+08:00

Hopefully the rain would stop and give way to the cool breeze of Christmas. I remember in an entry entitled “Simoy” I wrote in an old blog I kept last year, I wondered how my Christmas would be. Before Christmas 2004, I was single, I felt lonely, and I wanted to quit my job because I hated my manager and besides, I wanted to study.

My Christmas 2004 was soaked in beer, wine and a few teardrops… and Enzo’s vomit. (Enzo is my cousin.)

Christmas came and 2004 passed, I welcomed 2005 as a single girl. During the first few months of the year, I was lonely, I went out a lot – sometimes with friends, sometimes on dates – but I had to break some hearts, including mine, to learn and start anew (I’m not sure tho’ if I am successful at that or if I really am just stubborn hehe).

I’m enjoying my job now (I’m still doing communication work but for a different project now) but I might still quit if I get an opportunity to study next year.

“Paano kaya ang Pasko nila? At paano din kaya ang Pasko ko?”

My anticipation of the fast-approaching holidays makes me wonder now if the cycle would be broken this time (wishing). Would I be celebrating the remaining holidays of 2005 with someone special? Or would I pity my lonely stature? Would I be happy? Would I be soaked in beer, wine and tears of joy? ..and my boyfriend’s saliva because we’d be kissing each other non stop? Haha

Would I be able to have the guts to quit my job to study again? Or would I keep it while I study? Or be given the chance to travel outside the Philippines again?

Come on, Life. Be kind to me. Ryan and Trista got married already (The Bachelorette); Britney (Spears) found Kevin (Federline) already and they’ll be parents soon (Chaotic documentary); JB and Say found each other while Chx found a new victim in Sam (Pinoy Big Brother); Ana is with Nathan (Average Joe 3) and Noreen and Kevin are finally together (Attic Cat). Manny (Pacquiao) won the game against Velasquez; Maman (Salada) had the opportunity to represent the Philippines in an international climbing competition in Germany; the UST Salingawi Dance Troupe won the cheering competitions again (go USTe! Gosh, we’re sooo good); Green Day bagged a lot of awards during the MTV Video Music Awards (and they deserve it naman… but there are also a lot of good artists now.); Colby (Montero) won in the first ever Asian MTV VJ Hunt… Me? Give me a break. Wouldn’t it be nice if I also find my share of good luck before the year ends?

0030~ finally, a closure of sorts.

2005-09-19T18:13:00.000+08:00

i started writing a very personal entry last night. detailed. pessimistic. i wanted to publish it. i thought posting it out would make a slight difference to my disappointed world. i'm glad i was not able to finish it and got to think about it over night. i'm feeling a little better now. cooler. so i really don't find comfort an

here are some excerpts though.. on cryptic mode. =) so don't make assumptions or even try to judge me. i'm not a book, remember? hehe :p

****

closure of sorts.

I. it is quite a surprise that I even agreed to have a date with him again after all the cheatings he did and the lies he told in the past. maybe, in a corner of my mind, i wanted to believe that he's grown mature now and since i'm not committed to anyone right now (whether it was my choice or Dash's choice not to ask me to be only his), i thought "why not give Tek a shot..?"

as the day approached nearer, i didn't feel any excitement. we had lots of good memories together (really good memories) but the bad ones seem to dominate. i thought it might not do me any good if i meet him because i know that there is a big possibility that he'd ask me to be his girlfriend again. i'm almost quite sure. would i want that? not really.

hoping to maintain the friendship we have managed to keep inspite of the things that have happened, i sent him a text message and cancelled the "date".

the next morning, i checked my friendster account and found a scream on my bulletin board. he took it against me.

i'm glad i cancelled.

II. Three months ago, I did tell myself and a close friend whom I shall call Puppy (oh, he would kill me hehe) that i am over CC. But, to be completely honest, I still thought about him a lot and occassionally entertained the possibility or delirium that he'd eventually fall for me if we start seeing each other again.. that even if girls are running after him now considering his current social status, he'd still pick me.

I was indeed delirious.

We'd occassionally exchange texts of how-have-you-beens, i-miss-you's and where-you-i-wanna-see-you's. He'd casually ask me to go to their gigs again.

Yesterday was another afternoon of text exchange. He started to flirt heavily again as usual, and since I was delirious then, I said something that was similar to "I'm not into fooling around and I'm not going to be the same fool again who adored you months back unless you're ready to commit and date only me."

I guess that ended it.

Thank heavens i finally got the closure I have been desperately looking for. Now I can move on.

III. When I was mending a broken heart, trying to get over CC, I splurged on gimmicks, drinking sprees, shopping, movie marathons, out of towns and dates. Some of my friends didn't help during this time actually - they kept mentioning his name, sing his songs, send me his gig scheds, etcetera. Then, I met Dash again after a long time. He's the one who's helped me get through the heartache. He'd constantly text me and ask me how I was doing. He'd ask me out. He'd join me when I'm out with my friends because he later found out that I've been the fifth wheel.

Unfortunately, I got overwhelmed by his kindness, prematured 'love' and passion for me. At the same time, I had doubts on his true intentions. I started declining his invitations and got myself busy with other stuff and doing things alone.

Eventually, I missed him. Unfortunately, he started doing things without me as well. Everyday, i received lesser and lesser text messages.. and then there was none. It did hurt me.

There was me and my foolish ways to blame, of course.. but I also realized that I want and need someone who will never get tired of me whether I reply to his text messages or not; someone who's unconditionally there for me; someone who would accept me, weirdness and mood swings included.

Que sera sera.

Bathwater
by No Doubt

You and your museum of lovers
The precious collection you’ve housed in your covers
My simpleness threatened by my own admission
And the bags are much too heavy
In my insecure condition
My pregnant mind is fat full with envy again

But I still love to wash in your old bathwater
Love to think that you couldn’t love another
I can’t help it...your’re my kind of man

Wanted and adored by attractive women
Bountiful selection at your discretion
I know I’m diving into my own destruction
So why do you we choose the boys that are naughty?
I don’t fit in so why do you want me?
And I know I can’t tame you...but I just keep trying

Cause I love to wash in your old bathwater
Love to think that you couldn’t love another
I’m on your list with all you other women
But I still love to wash in your old bathwater
You make me feel like I couldn’t love anotherI can’t help it...
you’re my kind of my man

Why do the good girls always want the bad boys?

So I pacify problems with kisses and cuddles
Diligently doubtful through all kinds of trouble
Then I find myself choking on all my contradictions

Cause I still love to wash in your old bathwater
Love to think that you couldn’t love another
Share a toothbrush..you’re my kind of man
I still love to wash in your old bathwater
Make me feel like I couldn’t love another
I can’t help it...you’re my kind of my man

No I can’t help myself
I can’t help myself
I still love to wash in your old bathwater

0029~ ...'unyeta..

2005-09-13T09:19:00.000+08:00

dude, pumayat ka na nga nyan eh.. dati, nung huli kitang nakita, ang taba mo nun eh..
~daryl

big momma!
~gerry

pumapayat ka ah..
~Skip

leche.
~beewai

0028~ Cranky Beeeyaach..!

2005-09-08T18:55:00.000+08:00

i started the day with a cranky mood........ really cranky mood.

i was not really feeling well when i woke up.. headache.. where did that headache come from? well, three days ago, monday, i got drenched in the rain while scouting for a cab on my way home.. i waited from 9pm to 10:30pm. when i got home, Maman called me for a little update on his competitions.. he usually calls me, if not text, when he needs to share his excitement.. kaaliw. he also called to inform me that they were already done with building a roof for the Play Underground gym.. he says we can now climb even if it's raining.. and he tried to poke my conscience by saying that it's been a long time since i last visited them. i told him, what the heck, he didn't invite me in his last comp. hehehe anyway, as we chatted, my clothes and my hair dried up.... not good.

two days ago, tuesday, was my first day to attend the workshop in Ateneo [home of the coños.. it's where coños hang out.. =p], at The Garage: JesCom department. the workshop starts at 6pm and ends at 9pm. i was scheduled to attend two different workshops - Graphics Design and Web Design. Sir Momon, i know i would not be able to learn everything in four days and that i'll never be as good as you when it comes to designing, but this is worth my time.. and sweat.. shet. tlagang sweat! tangna, it's soooo hirap to commute from Makati to Katips noh... [yaaak, coño.. haha psencya na sa mga nakakabasa..] ..and since i'm not used to commuting in Quezon City, particularly in that area, i was forced to walk (what felt like) thousands of miles to find Ateneo. then i had todo it again yesterday, wednesday. haay. soo hirap talaga without wheels.. hehe i am excited to learn, BUT i'll never do this again. pagod na pagod at naglalagkit talaga ako tuwing papunta ng eskwelahan at tuwing pauwi na ko. napakalayo. dead batt.

oh btw, ganda ng LRT2. galeng. at ang gateway, maganda, jologs-free pero todo coño ang mga shops. ginto ang mga presyo.

so.. these are what got me cranky... body pain (note: i haven't been exercising lately, so you can imagine how my body had to adjust to a walkathon of sorts), stressed out feet, headache... pressure from work... realization of not having a "lovelife" after watching Kevin and Britney's documentary, Chaotic..... aargghhh.... ok, that's another story... hehe but.. imagine and add that all up, i bet you'd get cranky yourself.

nobody, not even Rhanch, could get any good vibes out of me this morning. [sorry kanina ha, Rhanch] ..i thought, God is punishing me. i thought to myself, for the longest time, i've been having one of the worst times ever in my life..!! and it's been going on for months.. i was condeming the world..! i wanted to spare myself today from being a positive entity.. i was already drafting a screamo entry.. but an angel whispered to me, i suspect, to take a break and visit the the Greenbelt chapel, since it's Mama Mary's birthday anyway.

so i did. i took a break - ate and paid a visit. prayed the Rosary. btw, by the time that the praying of the Rosary was about to end, the people gathered up and started filling the chapel.. and i don't know why, but the scene was somewhat reminiscent to the fiesta of the old days where you will see happy and excited faces scattered around.. as if the people were waiting and expecting someone very special to come and join them celeberate... or as if there was free ice cream in the middle of the desert.

i came back to the office with a cooler mind (than the one i had earlier), tamed mood and a fresher look at the day ahead. the officers in Heaven do work in miracles.

*Trivia: St. Jude is the saint of the hopeless causes.

Bitch
by Meredith Brooks

*I hate the world today
You're so good to me
I know but I can't change
Tried to tell you
But you look at me like maybe
I'm an angel underneath
Innocent and sweet
**Yesterday I cried
Must have been relieved to see the softer side
I can understand how you'd be so confused
I don't envy you
I'm a little bit of everything
All rolled into one

I'm a bitch, I'm a lover
I'm a child, I'm a mother
I'm a sinner, I'm a saint
I do not feel ashamed
I'm your hell, I'm your dream
I'm nothing in between
You know you wouldn't want it any other way

***So take me as I am
This may mean you'll have to be a stronger man
Rest assured that when I start to make you nervous
And I'm going to extremes
Tomorrow I will change
And today won't mean a thing
****Just when you think, you got me figured out
The season's already changing
I think it's cool, you do what you do
And don't try to save me

I'm a bitch, I'm a tease
I'm a goddess on my knees
When you hurt, when you suffer
I'm your angel undercover
I've been numb, I'm revived
Can't say I'm not alive
You know I wouldn't want it any other way

*Biway's Note: if you're wondering why i chose this song, it's plainly because of the first line.. and that it celebrates the many dimensions of an individual and that it tells other people that they cannot change the diveristy of one's personality (also its flexibility).. and because of that diversity, no human can ever be really perfect. love it!

Happy Birthday, Mum (Mary)!

Hempy Burpday Ave!

Hempy Burpday Aileen! ....Pa-chow naman kau! :D hehehe

0027~ must love dogs, must love me

2005-09-02T13:11:00.000+08:00

it's quite impressive how the characters in "Must Love Dogs" became so open to dating other people and how hopeful they are in finding THE ONE using a internet dating site - perfectmatch.com [please click the link if in case you're interested to set up your own account =p], inspite of the painful breakups with their partners a few months back. what's overly impressive is their acceptance of their lovers' sudden change of heart. as Sarah Nolan puts it, "he just stopped loving me." painful. amazing. delirious.

as of this writing, i lack that "openness" and i think i'm way far from being cured. as each day passes, loneliness digs deeper on me. i am traumatized....!! ....ok, that's an exaggeration.. [but, am i?] i want to find my Jake who'd say, "she's a mess... and it's fantastic..!"

for the past many weeks, i have been going out and met a lot of people.. and somehow, it helped me identify the characteristics i am looking for in a partner, but i think these sort-of-standards would make finding him even harder for me. well..... i still believe that all these standards would melt off when the magic happens to me anyway.

they say, when you find the person you've been waiting for all of your life, your standards will all be disregarded. no matter how high you set it. it will all be set aside.. and what would matter is how both of you finds joy and peace of mind in making the other person happy.

foolish, yes. but what the heck! =)

0026~ Manong's Playlist

2005-09-02T12:21:00.000+08:00

as usual, i rode a cab on my way to work today [ i haven't broken my habit yet.. maybe next week.] ..and to my delight, as soon as i set my ass on his leathered seats, earcandies. =)

1. brighter than sunshine - Aqualung
2. til they take my heart away - Claire Marlow [ang walang kamatayan at hindi kasawa-sawa...]
3. all i need - Side A [ang kinalolokohan ni momon..]
4. too many walls - cathy dennis

maganda ang taste ni manong. how i wish the trip never ended.

flashback, when i woke up [not so early] this morning, these were the videos i had pleasure seeing... =)

1. cool - Gwen Stefani
2. don't lie - Black Eyed Peas
3. dare - Gorillaz [i don't like this song tho'..]
4. quick to panic - Sheila and the Insects [i like!!!]
5. somebody told me - the killers
6. mr. brightside - the killers [all time fave]
7. we belong together - mariah carey [THE butterfly]
8. gemini - Spongecola [i swear, i'm going to buy their album na talaga... eherm... ok, i sounded sooo coño..hehe]
9. my place - Nelly [nkkmiss din pala 'to..]
10. N dey say - Nelly
11. one thing - amerie
12. touch - amerie
13. ever after - bonnie bailey [gan-dah talaga..! this one i saw at MYX, kaso, puro beaches lang yung nasa video.. so mukhang cyang videoke haha tho' i would not mind singing along with it :D]
14. astro - Radioactive Sago [i read from the Terno Recording website that they'll be releasing another album.. entitled, "tangna, ang daming nagugutom sa mundo, fashonista ka pa din" -bwahaha ang masasabi ko lang sa Sago, "tangna, ang galing nyo talaga! nadali nyo ang sentimyento ko sa lipunan ngayon.."]

and i saw this one song/video - a collaboration of missy "misdemeanor" elliot, ciara and fat snoop.. and as expected, it's one helluva crazy video.. galing sumayaw, leche..
seeing ciara though, it made me miss aliyah.

i wanna quit my job. =p now na! haha

0025~ APE

2005-08-29T14:49:00.000+08:00

Annual Physical Examination is always humiliating and sometimes a big hassle, aside from the fact that i hate clinics, hospitals and needles. imagine, strangers scrutinizing your body --- analyzing your body secretions as well as your cavities, touching and pressing your breasts [this is a huge problem for the ticklish, like me], asking you of the health history of your family, probing whether you've had your menstruation this month already, if you've been pregnant, poker-faced med people getting your blood sample --- whether you like it or not [because your company declares it mandatory].

after all the lab exams, i went to doc glenda. i proudly answered her that i don't smoke, then she asked me of one of my dreaded questions......

"do you drink alcohol beverages..?"

"uhmm... err... eherm... yes."

"how many bottles..?"

"uhm, lately i've been drinking a lot eh.."

i'm already bloody red of shame.. and i thought using the word lately would help me make her think that i'm really not like that and that she would spare me from giving her an actual number of bottles i consume each week - beer or hard. i'm glad though that the APE wasn't scheduled last Feb... i'd die of embarrassment before i could even answer her. haha

"ilan nga..?"

"four....?"

good thing, she was such a cool doctor. she didn't make me take my clothes off. she acts as if she's known me for months. she wasn't really invasive.. at all.

...oh and btw, one of the few things that made me smile the whole time i was in the clinic was that i look good in that blue gown. :p hehe [walang kokontra!]

Biway's note: nagmamadali ako, pasencya na kayo. kulit kasi ni Henri eh. gustong magkape.

0024~ Who Believes in"happy ever after"..?

2005-08-26T09:16:00.000+08:00

i used that title up there as my YM status two days ago (i think) and surprisingly, Henri Winterman replied, "i do". why the surprise? ..because inspite of his present confusing love life situation, he just "finds comfort in finding out that the girl is ok".. and going out with the other guy, fool!.... and he still believes in happy ever after. wtf..!? haha

i remember calling him "sirang romantiko".. and he affirmed it. what can i say... if Kris says "let's celebrate love." Henri Winterman says "let's celebrate bitterness." :p

i know you will never listen to our neverending pushes and pulls for you to make a move, but i'm sure you know that we're always here for you... text ka lang, inuman tayo. haha!

so, Henri, this is for you.

***
Ever After
by Bonnie Bailey

Three years ago, our journey began
Chasing down this cure, no plan in hand
Just your pulse, my racing guide in the dark
Just knowing with conviction from the start

The moment your eyes made an introduction
I felt my second violent breath of life
Flawless to the point of being godly
Yet I fell hard for your imperfections

And now we're slightly weathered, we're slightly worn
Our hands grip together, eye to eye through the storm, yet
I still believe in ever after with you, yeahhhhh
Cuz life is a pleasure with you by my side,
And there ain't no current in this river we can't ride
I still believe in ever after with you

Nothing compares to the good times
Feels like we're floating, when the rest have to climb
You made me believe in love, and not the perfect kind
A real messy beautiful twisted sunshine

Emotions, volcanic eruptions
We both still care, so we're still alive
Tunnel vision, determination
I want you, I want to make it right

And now we're slightly weathered, we're slightly worn
Our hands grip together, eye to eye through the storm, yet
I still believe in ever after with you, yeahhhhh
Cuz life is a pleasure with you by my side,
And there ain't no current in this river we can't ride
I still believe in ever after with you

You are my twisted sunshine
You are my twisted sunshine

And now we're slightly weathered, we're slightly worn
Our hands grip together, eye to eye through the storm, yet
I still believe in ever after with you, yeahhhhh
Cuz life is a pleasure with you by my side,
And there ain't no current in this river we can't ride
I still believe in ever after with you

And now we're slightly weathered, we're slightly worn
Our hands grip together, eye to eye through the storm, yet
I still believe in ever after with you, yeahhhhh
Cuz life is a pleasure with you by my side,
And there ain't no current in this river we can't ride
I still believe in ever after with you

0023~ Rules

2005-08-24T11:57:00.000+08:00

I’ve no idea why human beings have this mania of setting rules to everything.

~Paulo Coehlo
Poles and Rules
Source: Warrior of the Light

0022~ I am a "Spatial" child.

2005-08-19T16:44:00.000+08:00

i took an emode test on "What's Your True Talent?".. and my personal assessment has been confirmed [as if]. i would really love it if i get to make my plans of studying again next year come true.

Your primary talent
Beewai, your primary career talent is Spatial Ability. (Score: 10 out of 10)

The ability to visualize objects in three-dimensional space can give you an unusual view of the world. You appear to understand how figures can be manipulated and take on new forms. Because of this talent, you can probably imagine new designs easily, including anything from floor plans to page layouts — and even 3D product prototypes. People like you are usually aces when it comes to putting together assemble-it-yourself furniture or other household items — whether the items arrive with instructions or not.

Your rare talent can make you less likely than most people to be content with the same old thing. As a result, in your work life you might enjoy focusing on visual innovation and proposing new ideas. Your ability to conceptualize objects in their completed form can make you a natural designer or engineer. Your spatial skills can also help you understand the finer points of how things work. Typically, new computer programs or specialized office equipment are no sweat to you. In a world where technology changes so rapidly, you may also find yourself rewarded for your ability to adapt.

Your secondary talent
Your secondary career talent is Verbal Ability. (Score: 8 out of 10)

You have a way with words. Although most of us take for granted that we can use our native language, you seem to know how to pick the right words for almost any occasion. This ability to comprehend information and be articulate in your speaking or writing is no small feat. Moreover, you appear to understand the power and aesthetic appeal behind language. This knowledge can make you versatile in expressing yourself with either flowery or direct communication as the situation demands. You're the kind of person that friends would want to make that special wedding toast or farewell speech. And if you're terrified of public speaking, they'd at least want you to write it.

Reading between the lines to pick up on the subtle meanings behind what people say and write can also be part of your repertoire. With your gift for decoding language's complexities, you can be both a great meeting facilitator and a conflict negotiator. In addition to these strengths, you may have the knack for mixing old-fashioned terms with the latest lingo in ways that keep people interested in not only what you say but also how you say it. This kind of creativity and ability to focus language into top-notch communication can make you a valuable asset in a variety of business settings.

***
oh well.. haha.

0021~ The Smell of Defeat (the feet, dahil mukha cyang paa!)

2005-08-18T12:29:00.000+08:00

this f*cking stupid girl in charge of the book donations told me last week that she'll only give us one piece of book per each title that we requested. one of our member organizations requested for only 40 book titles. if i'll base it on what this stupid girl had told me, it means that we'll only be receiving 40 books, right? our other member requested for 1oo+ titles. so, all in all, we'd be expecting around 200 pieces in behalf of the 2 member organizations. right?

simple mathematics.

for some reason, this stupid girl went to davao to attend an event or a convention (or most probly a stupid people's parade) and asked his assistant to call our office for confirmation of some sort. i was on a half-day leave. an officemate took the call. fortunately, somehow, the assistant was able to communicate and clarify that we would not be receiving just a few books. we are actually getting containers of books!@_@

looking ahead, good for the beneficiaries. in a way, bad for me.

my boss told me about it. she called the stupid girl and clarified everything. since i was not around, this stupid girl made the story like i was the one who is out of my head. [f*cker!] when in fact, whe we were talking, she was the one who could not remember how many books we ordered [when we actually gave her a list] and she couldn't seem to grasp the solution i was suggesting to her very petty problem of sorting the books out. [f*cker!] she doesn't listen at all. she just talks and talks and rants the whole time we were on the phone. [beeyach!]

i f*ckin' know how to argue, some even say that i'm good at it.. i know how to play it. i enjoy arguing for entertainment but i hate arguing about serious matters, especially if it's a dumb ass beeyach i'm talking to. i'd rather not waste my intelligence.

sometimes, silence is a way better weapon but my day didn't start so well today and now, THIS..?!?? on a nimbus-stricken day like this in my life, she better be ready when she gets back......... pakshet cya.

0020~ my newest favorite love song...

2005-08-09T10:21:00.000+08:00

wish i could sing this to someone.....

"Swing Life Away (Punk Goes Acoustic Version)"
by Rise Against

Am I loud and clear, or am I breaking up?
Am I still your charm, or am I just bad luck?
Are we getting closer, or are we just getting more lost?

I'll show you mine if you show me yours first
Let's compare scars, I'll tell you whose is worse
Let's unwrite these pages and replace them with our own words

We live on front porches and swing life away,
We get by just fine here on minimum wage
If love is a labor, I'll slave till the end,
I won't cross these streets until you hold my hand

I've been here so long, I think that it's time to move
The winter's so cold, summer's over too soon
So let's pack our bags and settle down where palm trees grow

I've got some friends, some that I hardly know
We've had some times, I wouldn't trade for the world
We chase these days down with talks of the places that we will go

We live on front porches and swing life away,
We get by just fine here on minimum wage
If love is a labor, I'll slave till the end,
I won't cross these streets until you hold my hand

Swing life away, swing life away,
swing life away, swing life away...

0019~ Everybody hurts sometimes..

2005-08-04T16:36:00.000+08:00

it seems like everybody's having a not-so-good day today.. but everyone got by.

I.
i was late for work today [like it surprises you..] so i took the first ride that arrived which was a empty jeepney. as expected, it waited until it was full of passengers. i hope these drivers find time to reflect and realize that when it's past eight in the morning, most people are on a hurry because most probably, than not, they are already late. the jeepney finally moved.

my stop was in the corner of paseo de roxas and pasay road. from there, i took a cab instead of walking from that side of the road to the corner of ayala avenue. i thought it would be faster. it turns out that the stupid cab driver treaded the whole pasay road and turned left to landmark; he found out that there was no u-turn, so he opted to turn left to ayala avenue whichi is a well-known traffic zone. as stupid as he is, he didn't know that there was no left turn to paseo de roxas there. stupid, stupid, stupid. ngarr! i was more than an hour late..!

II.
as soon as cherry saw me, she told me with a very sad, sad voice,

"i lost ms. julie's cellphone..."
"what..? ..where? ..when?"
"i left it in the cab. i tried to call the number but the phone is off already. somebody turned it off already.. must be the taxi driver.."

III.
my boss seemed stressed.

IV.
our ears hurt because a student volunteer for one of our projects who's located at the other side of our cubicle kept on singing loudly, trying to immitate regine velasquez's voice. he even managed to have a sort of minus-one material.. an mp3 or sumthin'. deym.

we don't hate him at all. he's ok. he's just noisy.

V.
i'm starting to learn how to curse again.

oh, crap.

0018~ Save Your Kisses...

2005-08-04T14:02:00.000+08:00

by Natasha Thomas

Save your kisses for me
Show me how you miss me
Oh so easily, my lovin'

Save your kisses for me
'Coz I don't wanna be
A summer love thing

The way of your touch is always heavenly
And I love the way that you're loving me
You wrapped me up in the color of your love
You must be an angel high from above
How can I be sure that you won't go and what will be

Are you gonna be there when I need someone
And will I be always just the only one
I don't wanna have just another heartbreak
So tell me is your love true or a fake

One kiss, one love, one wordone vow and nothing more
One night, one dream, gonna save it save it for me

Beewai's Note: Same music but a little different lyrics was used in the Lacoste commercial a few months back.

0017~ Bumming Around...

2005-08-02T12:12:00.000+08:00

i didn't go to work today. :) ..i had to accompany my daddy-lolo to Continental Airlines to pay for the rebooking of his flight on August 10. he's going to the US for his long overdue heart check up; we'll surely miss him for one whole month. haaay.

i was planning of not going home this weekend. i'm juts tired of the long trip, talking to no one. my brownman revival would help greatly this time tho'. my daddy-lolo has his way of making parinig.. like some minutes ago. daddy-lolo asked me, "uuwi ka sa weekend?" then he squeezed my shoulders lightly as if telling me "uwi ka ha." as always, whenever my family asks me to be there for them, it's haaaard to say "no." tho' it always feels sooo good to know that somebody needs and wants you to be there.

i've got nowhere else to go and no plans so i'm here at glorietta.. bumming. :D kaka-miss! so.. i'm going now.. i'm going to watch "The Machinist".. alone, as usual.

0016~ "He's lucky....."

2005-07-30T22:01:00.000+08:00

There I was ranting silently
on my recent issues, disappointment, pain and worries
while watching "Stealth"..

A kid muses, "He's lucky he's still alive.."

It was his line up until the movie flashed its last action scene.

I didn't give much attention to him and his insights at first..
but on the split-second that my flow of thoughts were disrupted,
it seems that He, through this smart little kid,
has been throwing and banging some sense into my head.

"I'm lucky I'm still alive."

*There's no such thing as a dead end.

0015~ Pakshet!

2005-07-28T18:05:00.000+08:00

i saw a pic of my eX a few seconds ago.. thanks to friendster.

leche, i still find him sexy after all these years and all these crap..

he's still sooo hot.. deym. haha

0014~ Strawberry Fields Forever!

2005-07-27T13:19:00.000+08:00

Beewai's note: This was written on a Saturday night. Papang's birthday.

I'm missing someone tonight. I let him know, but all I had in return was silence. I don't want to seem desperate, depressed nor too lonely, so I did not insist for a reply neither did I begged for pity. But I wanted to hear he missed me, too.

Everything suddenly seems senseless. [Could be the reason why I feel lonesome..]

I sang my heart out tonight. I sang and sang and sang to death... til my throat and my papa's visitors' ears hurt.

It was breezy outside tonight. Was it Loneliness? ...Or was my voice to blame?

...whichever it is, it sucks!

~~*~~

Tonight, I resolve to ask for nothing more from Him.It seems pointless, and besides, I become unreasonable and sometimes a spoiled brat and occassionally too dependent on Him.

He must be bugged out already from the gazillions of personal requests.

But I will still pray to Him. I still believe in Him. I bow only to Him. I still love Him.

I'm just tired of asking. Let every event and blessing be a surprise.
Besides, I love surprises.

07/24/05

*****

I was suppose to go back to Makati on Sunday but my Papang asked me to stay.
It was sooo hard to say "no".

Manuela was there, too. She stayed in our house since Saturday and joined us for Papang's birthday party. She brought a cake - the one with rum-taste and cherries on top of it. Sweet girl. She's about my age. Actually, I'm two months older than she is. She's going to marry my Tito Jing soon. My Tito Jing is in the US of A. He petitioned her. They're both mute and semi-def.

So we went to Makro in the afternoon. Makro is a huge supermarket in Dau that sells stuff on wholesale. Most people who shop there owns a mini-grocery or a sari-sari store.

While waiting for daddy-lolo to finish computing, converting and comparing the prices, I looked for something to interest me....

...and good lu'rdy! I spotted a pack of frozen strawberries for only freakin' P29.00!!!

I love Makro already! haha And the best part is...... It's on "Buy 1, Take 1" promo! :p

Yummeh!

0013~ Get Real: The media and the lynch-mob mentality

2005-07-26T09:51:00.000+08:00

By Solita Collas- Monsod
Inquirer News Service

Editor's Note: Published on page A12 of the July 23, 2005 issue of the Philippine Daily Inquirer

I THINK I may have been one of the fiercest critics of President gloria Macapagal-Arroyo over the years, with my criticisms particularly focused on, but not limited to, her economic policy. I also admit that I may have imposed higher standards on her because she is an economist. But in any event, I would like to think that these criticisms were based on solid grounds rather than on conjectures and speculations. And they were definitely not partisan or ideological in motivation. The objective was always to look out for national rather than personal interests.

Which is why I want no part of what has to be called the lynch-mob mentality that has seemed to grip the nation, fed by, I am sorry to say, the media, which, more often than I am comfortable with, cannot seem to distinguish between generating news and reporting it. When that happens, a vicious cycle occurs: We generate our own excitement, then we panic because of it, and people get caught up in the hysteria, which then results in generating more excitement....

Take for example the June 27 nationwide broadcast where the President apologized for her lapse in judgment. Who was immediately asked to react? Certainly not the man-on-the-street. Tremendous emphasis was given to the opposition's reactions, starting with the jailed Joseph Estrada, which were predictably unfavorable; and much less emphasis (and I think column-inches or air-time analysis will bear this out) on the reaction of administration stalwarts, which were predictably favorable. Even more unfortunate, the "I am sorry" part of the President's statement was focused on, practically ignoring the rest.

Let's just follow one thread in that reaction pattern: Susan Roces on the basis of the President's statement and her (Ms Arroyo's) eyes, accused her of stealing the presidency -- not once, but twice -- and of insincerity. No one bothered to ask what in the Arroyo statement, or for that matter the tapes, could possibly have been the basis of that accusation. But it has caught hold of the public's imagination. Anecdotal evidence of this phenomenon: My upholsterer in Subic asked me what should happen now that President Arroyo had admitted that she cheated in order to win. Is it any wonder that a very large majority of the population want her to resign or be impeached?

And yet one recalls, the President made no such admission. But the opposition fanned the flames, repeating the accusation that she stole the elections with practically every breath they took. This was duly recorded by the media. And while I may be casting too much blame on a sector to which I belong, there were at most only feeble attempts to bring balance to the
reporting.

Couldn't there have been at least an attempt to determine whether those conversations could have indeed resulted in stealing an election? Because if the attempt had been made, some timing inconsistencies would be revealed. The conversations took place from
May 27, after all the Certificates of Canvass (COCs) were already in Congress. With all the security attendant to those COCs, not even a Houdini (much less a Virgilio Garcillano) would have been able to alter them to suit his evil purposes. The "dagdagan, dagdagan" [vote-padding] theory falls apart.

Couldn't there have been a brief review to remind ourselves of what transpired in the run-up to and the aftermath of the elections? Because if there had been one, the releases of the poll groups Social Weather Stations and Pulse Asia at the time would show that Ms. Arroyo had overtaken Fernando Poe Jr. in the polls and as of the week before the elections, the difference between them was statistically significant nationwide. While Metro Manila and Luzon and Mindanao could go either way, the lead in the Visayas was so commanding (57 percent Arroyo, 20 percent Poe) as to ensure her victory. Which is what happened.

Also, Bill Luz of the election watchdog group Namfrel was quoted as saying: "We didn't see enough electoral anomalies at the national level to have a material effect on the national results"-i.e., of course there was cheating (there always is, and this must be punished), but nobody stole an election.

And a year later, the Catholic Bishops' Conference of the Philippines (CBCP), through Archbishop Fernando Capalla, said: "It is the view of the bishops that the results of the elections reflected the will of the Filipino people." Unfortunately, not much attention was given by the media to this statement.

And finally, amid all the furor over the latest survey results, surely it would not have been too much to report that in one survey (June 28-30), while 18 percent wanted resignation and 20 percent wanted status quo, 26 percent of those surveyed wanted more information. This was totally ignored.

Also ignored is that in the latest Social Weather Stations survey, 62 percent were in favor of a truth commission-which means that whether they wanted resignation or impeachment, they also wanted the facts. (Perhaps their cool heads struggling to overcome their warm hearts? There may be hope yet.)

Am I saying that media are in some way to blame for this lynch-mob mentality? Another bit of anecdotal evidence here: When asked what they thought would be the outcome of their demonstrations against Ms Arroyo, a spokesman said, "It depends -- on the media and the
military." Not necessarily in that order, would be my guess.

But we must also blame ourselves. Surely it cannot have escaped our notice that most of those making the noise are also-rans and people with self-serving agendas. We should all refuse to be railroaded by these people who don't want facts to get in the way of their conclusions and their ambitions.

*Beewai's note: I'm really, really glad that somebody from the media [the sector that I am also a part of - in one way or another] has spoken something that has been going on for years already. Even before the Gloria scandal was exposed, I've already noticed the "malpractice" of today's media. Whenever I get the chance, or idle time to give interest, to watch the news, I, most often than not, find myself plainly entertained. they make me laugh. They make me mad. Nothing more.

There really are a lot of missed facts. I hope reporters and newscasters-slash-newsreaders would do their homework as well.

I still have my hopes for the Philipines. Because I love my country. I still am protective of the Filipino's image and value to the world. Because I still believe in their/our goodness.

In spite of.

0012~ Bushido: The Way of the Warrior

2005-07-22T17:35:00.000+08:00

Beewai's Note:

I've always been mystified by the ancient way of life of the Japanese, specifically the Samurai. I admire their discipline. I enjoy writing haiku in my younger days [but only one of my haikus was published in our high school paper.. ay, proud?] and still fond of reading up until this age. I want to learn their art of writing and caligraphy. In spite of my fear of the Japanese soldiers created by watching too many world war documentaries, I still dream that someday I will be able to visit their land. Not to work as an entertainer, but to meet a true to life Samuria.

~~*~~

Bushido, "The Way of the Warrior", has come to be known as the samurai code, but it is more than that. The name given is not "the code" or "the law" of the warrior, but rather, "the Way." It is not merely a list of rules to which a warrior must subscribe in exchange for his title, but a set of principles that prepare a man or woman to fight without losing his humanity, and to lead and command without losing touch with basic values. It is a description of a way of life, and a prescription to make a warrior-nobleman.

At the heart of bushido is the samurai's acceptance of death. "The way of the samurai is found in death," says the Hagakure, a 1716 explanation of bushido whose title means literally "Hidden in the Leaves". Once he is steeled to the fact of dying, he may then live his life without worrying about dying, and choose his actions based on principle, not fear. "If by setting one's heart right every morning and evening, one is able to live as though his body were already dead, he gains freedom in The Way. His whole life will be without blame, and he will succeed in his calling."

The samurai's position of high rank and enormous respect within the society was not a license to behave any way he chose. Rather, it was the result of the extreme discipline and the high standard by which he lived. Disciplining his entire life makes him capable of decisive action in battle, and surely, that was the original goal of "the way." His Zen practice freed his mind from distraction and enabled him to pursue perfection in all things from haiku to seppuku. By reaching perfection in all he endeavored, including kendo - "the way of the sword" - he became an unbeatable warrior and an unstoppable force in society.

Inazo Nitobe, one of the first Japanese Quakers, wrote eloquently in English about bushido (and to his 1905 book BUSHIDO, THE SOUL OF JAPAN we are deeply indebted for much of the content of this section) referred to samurai as "knights" and likened bushido in some ways to the code of chivalry. In the same way that a few chivalric ideals have persisted as behavioral norms in Western society, he suggests that the principles that formed the samurai permeated all facets of Japanese civilization. This is hardly surprising, since the samurai controlled the government for at least 676 years, arguably longer. Japan's transformation from a country in complete isolation in the mid-19th century to a world power in the mid-20th century may owe something to the samurai-bred abilities of discipline and focus. If bushido was the source of the samurai's approach to life, its ongoing influence is hard to deny.

[Source: http://lastsamurai.warnerbros.com]

0011~ Gwen: The Western Harajuku Girl

2005-07-21T14:11:00.000+08:00

I'm a big fan of Gwen since I heard No Doubt's Tragic Kingdom album. I love her attitude. I love how she performs. But somehow, when L.A.M.B. was released and I heard "What You Waiting For" [noted for its lyrics 'take a chance you stupid *hoe' with all the Harajuku girls by her side in an Alice-in-Wonderland video setting] and the bananas song "Hollaback Girl" [this sh** is bananas, B-A-N-A-N-A-S!] over the radio, it didn't give me the itch to buy the album. I thought the tracks were still raw and weren't given enough time to mature. I thought she could've produced something better than that. I thought that if the album would sell, it would just be because... it's Gwen's.

One noon after work, I passed by Music One at Greenbelt 3. L.A.M.B. was on display and being the Gwen- and No Doubt music-lover that I am and believing that Gwen worked hard on this album, I grabbed the chance to listen to her first solo album.

"Cool" got my vote. It just got me! The beat, the sound, the words, its simplicity..... I thought, this should be "the hit". I saw the video this morning, she's fabulous... I hope "Cool" will also be given the attention it deserves.

Surprisingly [for me], the first 2 songs released caught people's ears. The songs got radioplays, topped the charts and the videos were eyecandies to music television-addicts.

Gwen made it again!

*****

COOL

by Gwen Stefani
[from the album Love.Angel.Music.Baby]

It's hard to remember how it felt before
Now I found the love of my life...
Passes things get more comfortable
Everything is going right

And after all the obstacles
It's good to see you now with someone else
And it's such a miracle that you and me are still good friends
After all that we've been through
I know we're cool

We used to think it was impossible
Now you call me by my new last name
Memories seem like so long ago
Time always kills the pain

Remember Harbor Boulevard
The dreaming days where the mess was made
Look how all the kids have grown
We have changed but we're still the same
After all that we've been through
I know we're cool

And I'll be happy for you
If you can be happy for me
Circles and triangles, and now we're hangin' out with your new girlfriend
So far from where we've been
I know we're cool

0010~ Pig.

2005-07-20T18:13:00.000+08:00

what right do you have to put me under your scrutiny and insults?

just ranting aloud........

Thought for the Day: "When you wallow with pigs, expect to be dirrrty."

0009~ At Dahil Sobrang Sikat na Kayo...

2005-07-18T14:32:00.000+08:00

i am overly frustrated with the painful fact that i still haven't got the chance to watch the complete video of Brownman Revival's rendition of Maling Akala [original by the eHeads]. i checked their website [http://www.brownmanrevival.com] a few minutes ago and found out that they actually have gotten the #1 spot in the MYX countdown [MYX is a local music channel].

hooooraaaaaah!!! congrats, guys! you soooo deserve it! though i haven't seen the video, i already sent in my vote. ehehehehe that's how much i love this band.

i miss going to Xaymaca! i miss losing my balance and falling off inside the DJ's booth... [hahaha! yes, people, that was me.. :p]

Below is an article i posted in December 2004. it's one of those friday nights spent jeggae-ing and bobbing to BMR's origs and covers...

Xaymaca hangover

1. Let's Stay Together - Al Green
2. Sharing the Night Together - Dr. Hook (tama ba..?)
3. Maling Akala - Eraserheads
4. Jeggae - Brownman revival
5. Three Little Birds - Bob Marley
6. Waiting In Vain - Bob Marley

~~~

When the first set was about to begin, the crowd started looking for good spots, filling all the spaces inside the bar. Must I say unfortunately, I stood beside a very loud woman who at the very first moment she got there, was already shouting her lungs out. haha She caught everybody's attention.. as in E-V-E-R-Y-B-O-D-Y'S attention. She was that loud!

"Mahn, she must be sabog or sumthin'.. lakas ng trip neto," I whispered (or shouted) at my buddy's ear. The woman kept shouting somebody's name, which I could not comprehend at first.

After a few secs, I figured she was shouting "Jason! Jason!" ..and then giving that Jason the thumbs-up sign, who happens to be playing one of the air instru in the band. He obviously looks embarrassed with what his big fan was doing. haha But I guess, the crowd, wanting to enjoy the night, just let her be. After two songs, the band was having trouble with their instruments. So Dino (the vocalist) started announcing their gig skeds, especially that gig tonight (yes, tonight, Dec. 20, monday) at Xaymaca which is a fund-raising gig for the typhoon victims. [by the way, i salute the band for the effort.]

Again, the woman took the limelight..."Dino! Dino! Saan? Saan?! Dito ba? Dito ba?!"Dino, despite of the woman's loud mouth, unintentionally ignored her. So..."Dino, Dino! Saan ngaaa?? Dito ba..?! Ditoooo..?!?" with her hands gesturing and waving in the air. This time, she caught the crowd's puzzled, some crazed and some annoyed stare. haha She also caught Dino's attention finally and she got the answer she wanted to hear.

"(Huh?) Oo, dito.. dito sa Xaymaca. Punta kayo.."

I was one of those that were crazed and amazed by her adrenaline and happy attitude.

Then she faced me and asked..."De.. hindi naman nya nililinaw di ba? Di naman nya sinabi kung saan e.." Being the tolerant me, I just answered..."Yeyeah..! Tama..! 'Stig ka, mahn," raised and toasted my bottle against hers... laughed at her... and at myself too.

It's people like her that makes life fun, pulls you back to your senses and gives you a reality check.

0008~ Sikat!

2005-07-18T13:57:00.000+08:00

no, momon. not your Kat. :p

it's been a while since the last time i went to Starbucks Enterprise for a grande of hot choco. today, i went to the food court for my usual bourbon chicken and a truckload of potato savory from Cajun. when my tummy got full, i was torn between my two usual aftermeal favorites - Starbucks hot choco and Quickly taro ice [daryl, dude, wala na kong quickly partner huhu kelan ka papasok ulit?] ..after minutes of soulsearching [haha] i decided to go for hot choco instead.

usually, a crew would ask if s/he can see your receipt but surprisingly, when they served my choco the crew didn't ask me to show it. so i asked her, "do you need to see my receipt?" she said, "no, it's ok. you regularly come here, right?" i replied, "yes.." she said, "i've seen you come here before."

she made my monday. it's nice to know i'm not as invisible as i thought i was. somebody noticed me.

Sikat!

***

prior to what happened this lunch, an incident that made me realize my existence happened just this weekend. i was at Starbucks pampanga [am i not a starbucks baby or what?!] waiting for my papa to fetch me. they went to a hospital in Angeles where Matthew [hello-how-do-you-do], my cute little baby cousin, was admitted. [apparently, his body is having a hard time dealing with the scorching heat here in the Philippines, being the "American" that he is.]

while waiting and savoring the view of a cutie sitting across me, i noticed two other familiar faces in the crowd. one i think is a guy from the laus group of companies/carworld [a company i worked formore than a year]. i wasn't able to talk to him though. the other one is a professor from UST which was later affirmed when we caught each other's eye and i decided to approach him. i was right. He's indeed sir Bong - one of the few respected professors in the Faculty of Arts and Letters.

unfortunately, in college, i did not get a chance to be his student since he only taught philo and some law subjects to all major courses except communication arts which was my major [how lucky! ...of course, i'm sarcastic!].

i never thought he was that nice, polite and humble. he gave me his number and asked me to send him a message so he can save my number in his phone as well. i told him that i never became his student all through my four years in college but i definitely heard a lot of good feedback about him and how his students enjoyed his classes. [in all fairness, sir Montaña, my philo professor then, taught us well and made sure we had fun, too.]

i was surprised though when he said that he cannot remember my name but he surely noticed me around the campus. then things flashbacked - there were times when i bummed around the lobby, many times that i performed with the professors on our annual faculty shows, times that i appeared in stage plays, and a few times that i visited the faculty room to either beg for extra projects or just to use their phone - how in the world would i not be a familiar face to him? hehe

Sikat!

LSS: Salarin ~ Brownman Revival

"pwede ba, sinta, wag nang ipagkaila.. pwede ba.. 'wag mo naman akong gawing tanga.. sino ang, sino ang salarin..."

0007~ unfinished business

2005-06-28T12:14:00.000+08:00

i have a draft entry on Rido in my Blogger folder.. I've been wanting to finish it but time would just not permit it. for the past weeks, i was so busy and now i'm out of the Philippines. i'm in Hong Kong... well, not that I'm complaining, alright?

i didn't have time to pay my credit card bills, too. shucks. the credit card companies are probably hunting for me now. hehe ..like i care.... ok, of course i care.. especially now that i'm in the shopping center of Asia, i should care. if i run out of cash, these cards should come in handy.

hmmm.. i'll do these when i get back to the Philippines.. when i finally go back to my reality.

but for now, i have places to wander on and shops to visit and a little cold cash to spend... hehe :p

0006~ Just A Suggestion

2005-06-23T14:11:00.000+08:00

Dear God,

Please make these imbecile politicians disappear.

If that cannot be done, please give them the scare of their lives...

Make them literally hear Your voice.

Cheers,

Beewai

0005~ "Hello, Garci?"

2005-06-22T11:53:00.000+08:00

They say it's uncanningly Gloria's voice. I would not know because I haven't heard an actual copy of the file. As much as I want to give her and her friends (or colleagues if I must say) the benefit of the doubt, it seems that the neverending cycle of political mischief has created a skeptical mind in me. Just the mere rumor and the fact that they are now having a so-called hearing at the congress, it's already quite disappointing, to be honest.

Through the years and terms that passed, politics had given us a narrow line-up of choices for candidates to elect. COMELEC, with suppossedly good judgement as to who among the many disillusioned applicants should be allowed to run for a seat in the government, has allowed lunatics to join in the bandwagon. The election period has become a nationwide fiesta. Vendors, clowns, animals are all over the place. Every vendor has his soul and another to sell. Every clown has a smile plastered on their face and an act to entertain people. While, the people are waiting for the next punchline to be dropped, lest they know that the joke is being played on them. Every animal has its own fangs and a prey eyed on.

...and so it becomes vote whom I think is the lesser evil among the evils for me, than waste my right, my voice as a Filipino because the election will still push through whether I like it or not. You might as well write the name of a candidate in your ballot whom you think could best handle your fellow countrymen.

I wanted to serve our people when I was younger but the cowardice of my age got the best of me, not to mention that i was not that popular at all. I would love to serve our people now but the bold and brutal truth is that I am even grateful that I was a coward in the past. Now, I'd rather hold on to my private life, working with an NGO and be of help to other people than be popular, flashy, on TV and sit on a chair in that big hall full of greed and selfishness.

I would not be happy to be branded as a politician.

I do not believe in sulking too long on the problem. I believe in finding and trying solutions. Being a non-pro in politics, I was only able to realize one simple thing: I agree with Pope JP2 and J. Rizal that the youth is our hope but the Philippine politics need an over all overhaul. Let's keep the current political status and practice from infecting the hearts of the new breed of politicians, or else, nothing will ever change. Not in this age. Maybe in another lifetime. We need a strongwilled and principled leader, who in his very early years finds sheer delight and fulfillment in nurturing people's lives (not just his), someone who is selfless and has fear of God, or Allah. Sadly, this kind of person is a rare find.

0004~ good stuff

2005-06-21T13:52:00.000+08:00

it's been a while, huh? :)

before i write down my thoughts on the Rido forum that i attended a few days back, i want to count a few good things that happened, stuff that i received or opportunities given to me for the past week..

1. my relatives - 2 uncles, 1 auntie and 2 cousins - who have stayed in the US for many years arrived last Thursday (June 16) just in time for my daddy-lolo's birthday. it always feels nice to see our family reunite again after many years... in spite of lola's death more than a year ago. if she was here, i know she'll be very happy.

2. daddy-lolo's 75th birthday was celebrated last saturday, June 18 (his birthday is actually on the 17th). to dance to the tune of "chupeta" - a popular novelty/kid dance song - was embarassing, but for the love of my lolo and my family, i agreed to do it in cooperation with the other girls in the family. the boys danced to "jumbo hotdog" anyway. hehehehe ..a relative, someone that i've never met (we have a big family, that's why), danced to "choco-late".. a kid named Princessa danced a different version of chupeta (see, there's a craze goin on here :p) ..a cousin wanted to do a song number. unfortunately, they forgot to bring their minus one.

i can totally atest that everyone had fun with the intermission numbers, games and supposedly inside jokes dropped by the hosts yet everyone can relate to, had a great dinner - catered by unichef , and those who received the raffled silver coins (c/o tito allan - he's an American) went home with a grin on their faces. :p

Trivia: by the way, i found out from my tito allan that chupeta actually means pacifier. when he was younger, his dad used to sing it to him. "mama, mama, mama, chupeta.. mama chupeta.." ..hahaha :p

3. my tito allan gave me a 1 .0z of pure silver in the form of a 1 dollar coin.. it's a collector's item. :D he's also bringing me to hongkong next week :D ....now tell me, tito.. tell me i'm not your favorite niece :p

4. when i was about to leave Pampanga, my tita tess (allan's wife) gave me a hundred dollars :D ...not bad at all considering the status of Philippine Peso right now. tsk, tsk, tsk.

5. yesterday, i finally finished the reports i had to get done last friday. haaay, finally....... i honestly hate doing the minutes of the meeting. i find it stupid in the sense that i had to observe, listen and take note of what has been said and done by other people. anyway, i don't have pending tasks anymore. so, so far i'm free of worries for the hongkong trip. i'm really excited!

* i'm beginning to think that what this year has in stored for me is a lot of travelling. i've become a jetsetter since this year had begun - starting with:

January - Cebu
February - Davao
March - Cotabato
April - Cotabato
April to May - Puerto Galera, Mindoro
June - Subic, Olongapo
June - HongKong

..and there's another one that's still under negotiations ...destination would be Sulu.

anyway, i'm pretty excited with my trips.. and i'm looking forward to visiting Sulu - one of the hands-off places in the Philippines due to the many bad news related to the place. i just wish that God will keep me (and the people i will be with) safe from harm all through out.

0003~ itching..!

2005-06-16T18:26:00.000+08:00

i attended a very interesting and mind-opening forum yesterday at the Oriental Mandarin Hotel here in Makati.. it is so interesting that i am itching to write something about Rido and Mindanao.. the adrenalin to write is bugging me.. but my deadline on some paperwork just would not permit me....... aargh!

i guess I'll have to wait (maybe) until tomorrow. haaay.

0002~ interview at Starbucks

2005-06-01T13:44:00.000+08:00

nope, i wasn't applying to become a barista yet. i was merely buying a cup of hot choco.

it's cold today so after grabbing my brunch (breakfast-lunch) i stopped by at Starbucks-Enterprise building found just across our office for my fix and...

sb crew: good morning, ma'am..

bee: good morning.. (smiles) one hot choco, tall, to go..

sb crew: what size? ay, tall pala.. (smiles back)

bee: yeah, tall.. to go..

sb crew: can i have your name for the cup, ma'am..?

bee: b.. y..

sb crew: as in "v"..? y..?

bee: no.. (stressing-) "b".. y.

sb crew: oh.. (smiles) baket B.Y.?

bee: my real name's ivy..

(the crew smiled and nodded as if she understood the evolution of my name..)

bee: would you like some wapols to go with it?

(in my head: u mean, waffles?)

bee: nah, thanks.. (grins)

priceless.

and the interview went on..

sb crew: may pasok ka ngayon?

bee: meron..

sb crew: sa'n ka nagta-trabaho?

bee: sa kabilang building ako, sa may bpi..

sb crew: aaahh.. talagang dinayo mo pa yung Starbucks dito.. (as if it brought her pleasure..)

hmm, so much for the chikas....
i handed her my payment, smiled, moved aside and waited for my cup of cocoa.. yum!

0001~ untitled

2005-05-31T17:41:00.000+08:00

i cannot come up with a good title.. so i'm leaving it untitled. this is my first entry for my new home and i don't want to ruin it. :p

i thought i'd never blog again. that's for many reasons - conflicts, brokenness, singlehood, insecurities, hatred, brokenness.... did i mention brokenness? haha

kidding aside, there had too many unfortunate things that happened in my life since last year up until the early part of 2005 which came to a point that i thought i could not handle it anymore.. and i thought that refraining from writing - my hobby that developed into a pasttime and now has become my source of income, the job that has kept me well-fed and clothed, the only thing that really kept me sane, my therapy - would eventually solve my insanity and Vitriol-inflicted darkness... of course, i was wrong.

i loved writing. it gave me a different kind of pleasure and relief when i needed one. then i thought i hated it.

primarily, i thought i never really wanted to be a writer. it was just my hobby and i never took it seriously until i got my first job as a managing editor for a start up publication. i had a great team! i had help from three other writers (chichi, flor and trina) - who were also juggling tasks for the monthly product catalogue and the weekly newspaper they handled (i also contributed to their masterpiece, mind you!), i had three graphic designers (grasya, melay and momon) - who also handled designs for the advertising department and the two other masterpieces, and one account manager (tintin, the original bananabread girl) - who were able to solicit sponsorships from major advertisers you would never imagine placing an ad in a newbie magazine..! we were goooood friends and we had many great moments together! hmmm, got carried away there.. going back to my reasons...

secondly, i thought i was good at creativity and conceptualization but not good enough to be a writer when i saw my work murdered so many times by our (then) acting editor plus the pressure thrown at me when we experienced delays in printing. i also lost my drive when the admin hired a new editor (with the worst oral hygiene) without informing its other loyal editors who's been working real hard and multitasking their asses 'til the breaking of the dawn, inspite of the delayed salaries and other admin shortcomings.. eventually, the magazine died down on my hands after 4 to 6 issues and so did my confidence. i think a new batch of editors (because my batch of editors resigned altogether haha :p) tried to revive the mag but failed as well.

that was the start, which i thought was the end, of my writing stint... BUT i should have known that many magazines actually have a short life span in the industry.. that all writers did go through a bashing stage and that one should wait til it's her turn to bash and grill some newbie's work..

anyway. inspired by no less than jessica zafra and her work, here i am again.. writing. writing with gladness.

after months of not keeping a journal, i was undecided and torn between reposting an old entry from my former blog and writing something of worth to whoever will stumble upon my nook. then again, i decided to write something that zafra herself would choose to write about if she ever would start a journal.. myself. ;)