0037~ love is pain

how much pain have you had?

i'm six more months away from being 25. i've had my share of excruciating pain in lovelife and life per ce. the might-be-small scar in my throat for the lollipop i accidentally almost swallowed whole, the not-so-visible scars in my left leg for falling in a hole, a couple of stitches in my head for being a curious young adult are just some proofs of the physical pain i needed to go through to learn how to be careful.

on the emo aspect, make a wild guess on how many times my heart have been broken.......

regardless, i am thankful of the life i have lived which have made me the kind of person that i am now (bullstrong, patient, sometimes stubborn, sometimes, worrisome, sometimes wicked) because love is pain, and pain is love. you'll know you are "loving" when you recognize the pain and you want to heal it.

earning my scars, i know it pained my parents, my lola and sometimes even my then-yaya to see me bleeding and screaming for help, for cure and why on earth agua oxinada hurt so bad. it pained them to see someone they love hurting.

it pained me to see my parents fight and eventually fall apart. it pained me to see my papa suffer more because of the separation because he loved her so much, in spite of everything that has happened between them. it pained me to see my lola hurt whenever her sons would avoid each other because of unsettled issues. it pained me to see her having a hard time breathing during her last moments with us. it pained me so much to see her die (i will forever miss her).

there is pain because there is so much love.

being away from tek for around seven years was really hard.. really painful.. it's a prolonged kind. i thought there was no more way we could fix things between us. i thought he had fully forgotten what we had, and i thought i could totally ignore the feeling and replace what we had with something similar, but a little less painful. (could love be the reason why some people are attached, if not addicted, to pain..?) but even then, i knew nothing would compare to what we have. it's irreplaceable.... it's different. i am so damn blessed we're back together now. i'd openly take the pain a relationship could bring, but i would not endure the pain of losing him again this time.


Bee's note: baduy na kung baduy. in lab eh. pagbigyan nyo na.